We all know a new baby has a profound effect on mothers both mentally and physically. But did you know kids rewire dads’ brains too? American neuroscientist DR HENRY MAHNCKE explains the science behind dad brains and how you can hack the biology to build stronger connections with your kids.
The adult brain is constantly rewiring and rebuilding itself in response to the tasks we ask it to perform, a phenomenon known as brain plasticity. And this explains why becoming a parent doesn’t just feel transformative; it is.
Dr Mahncke is a brain plasticity expert from BrainHQ, which creates brain training programs to help people sharpen and maintain their brain health and function. He says our brain rewires itself to cope with the new environment and responsibilities we face when we become parents. And that goes for men as well as women.
Biology versus environment
It’s well established that when a woman has a baby, her brain undergoes substantial reorganisation – and this happens in virtually every woman who has a baby, he says. The brain eliminates old connections it no longer needs and focuses on caregiving, love, and nurturing instead.
“Scientists can even do brain scans and tell the difference between new moms and women who aren’t moms just by looking at the thickness of these areas in the frontal cortex,” he says.
The same thing happens to men; however, the scale of this is dependent upon how involved the father is with their kids. So if you’re a hands-on, emotionally involved dad, your brain changes significantly. If you’re a more distant dad, those changes are more muted, Dr Mahncke says.
‘Paternal instinct’ is a thing
According to Dr Mahncke, there is such a thing as a ‘paternal instinct’; it’s just that it’s built, rather than being as biological as it is in women.
“The paternal instinct is driven environmentally by interacting with that baby, by caring for that baby, by falling in love with that baby. That’s what rewires the brain and that’s what makes a man into a father and what creates that paternal instinct,” Dr Mahncke says.
It’s never too late
The great thing for dads is that brain rewiring can happen at any age.
If a father becomes more involved in a child’s life when the child is aged three, five, or even a teenager, the brain continues to change. The process might be slower, but it’s absolutely possible, Dr Mahncke says.
This is good news for fathers taking on step kids or adopted children – the brain will still change in the same way. And reconnecting after time apart, such as a separated parent returning, can bring those changes back more quickly.
“This is about practice. I think that sometimes people feel like this is just going to happen automatically – new dads and moms both. I’m automatically going to fall in love with my child. I’m automatically going to be good at caring for it and nurturing it. And you know your biology is going to give you a push in the right direction, but after that it’s about practice and rehearsal.”
‘Dad brain’ is a thing too
We all know ‘mum brain’ – that foggy feeling new mothers can get once they start juggling the needs of a baby with all their other tasks. But Dr Mahncke says dads can experience something similar as their brain refocuses.
“I don’t like the way we talk about mommy brain. People talk about mommy brain like it’s a cognitive impairment… But that’s the brain focusing on the single most important thing that that mom needs to do, ” he says.
Myth-busting
And the old excuse that mums are better at dealing with things like sleep deprivation than dads doesn’t wash with Dr Mahncke.
“I think almost all of the differences that we think of as sex or gender differences are the result of how women and men have grown up and been taught to behave in society. This drives very real changes in the brain. I’m not trying to say these changes aren’t there. I just don’t think that they’re necessarily due to the fact that one person has a ‘y’ chromosome and one person has two ‘x’ chromosomes.
“Frankly, I think that men get away with some complete nonsense by saying, for whatever reason, I need my six hours sleep, and you’re the mom, you’re adapted to get up in the middle of the night and feed. I think that’s all complete nonsense.”
Once again, it just comes down to practice.
So there is hope for all of us as parents – we can become the parents we want to be. We just have to practice.